


Understanding

by AwfulGoodness



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drarry, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Harry feels bad, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Lonely Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy's A+ Parenting, M/M, Sad Draco Malfoy, Sectumsempra, Sectumsempra Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 03:31:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16255787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwfulGoodness/pseuds/AwfulGoodness
Summary: A conversation between Draco and Harry that comes to a rather unexpected end. For them, anyway.





	Understanding

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All Harry Potter rights go to J K Rowling

Honestly, the last person Harry expected to see on his nightly wandering was Malfoy. But here they were.

The astronomy tower was a picturesque place to stand at night, when everything in his head became too much to bear and he needed to be alone. The view was incredible, watching entirely over Hogwarts, all of its towers, turrets and features just there to be admired. Harry had always found the castle absolutely magnificent, which was precisely why he had come up here tonight. Hermione had been pestering him about that evil potions book he was in possession of, Ron was obviously stewing over his breakup with Lavender and being an oblivious idiot and Ginny kept twirling her air and batting her eyelids when Harry came close. Honestly.

And to add to that, Harry was absolutely torn up with guilt over the _sectumsempra_ incident of last month.

It had been hard to even look himself in the mirror without shuddering in disgust. He couldn't bring himself to check the Slytherin table for Malfoy's return, too afraid the Slytherin would walk in and be scarred beyond recognition. He'd nearly _killed_ someone.He'd nearly obliterated someone from existence in a brief moment of anger. Malfoy, gone forever. No Malfoy. No one to tease or insult or stare at when he's not looking.

That beautiful blonde hair almost gone, the pale skin almost never seen again, his snarky voice never to be heard.

Harry had nearly murdered someone.

And here he was, with next to no serious consequences for his actions.

Harry hadn't seen Malfoy since the incident, and hadn't looked for him, afraid what he'd find.

"Malfoy? I thought you were still in the hospital wing?" he asked, hovering behind Malfoy, who was stood by the railings. His long fingers were gently resting on the cold metal, and his blonde hair was blowing gently in the breeze. From the angle Harry couldn't see clearly, but he thought that Malfoy's pale face looked impassive in the cold lighting, eyes closed, contemplative. Malfoy didn't even start at his question.

"I was, thanks to you." He said, tone light despite the statement. "Pomfrey let me out earlier."

Harry didn't really know what to say that. How do you tell your rival who you almost killed that you're sorry? The reminder of what he'd done was fresh in his mind. He knew he was sorry, but the question was, would Malfoy believe him? "Oh...good."

Malfoy remained facing away from him. "Not really. No one visited me anyway, so it's not like I was missed or anything."

Harry's eyes widened at the blatant show of self-deprecation. Why would Malfoy tell him that? And surely Malfoy was surrounded by friends. Parkinson had probably been in there every day, kissing him all better and sobbing in that dramatic way of hers. Harry frowned at the thought of Malfoy kissing someone else.

"Uh... don't say that? I'm sure they did miss you-" he began awkwardly, but Malfoy suddenly turned to look at him, and Harry was able to see his face.

He stopped breathing for one horrifying moment.

Malfoy's face, his beautiful face, was split by three scars. Three large scars that pulled his features and ruined the perfect beauty he held.

One was thin, a stark white on his already pale face, curving around his left eyebrow and following the contour of his sharp cheekbone, pulling the eye outward ever so slightly. The second was raised and thicker, cutting though his mouth and twisting the lips unnaturally.

The third was the worst.

It was a violent purple, as if the white wasn't awful enough, and it carved just around his eye, forming a path across his nose and to his cheek. From there, it split into two, branching across his cheek, falling over his jawline and disappearing under his collar.

Harry wanted to be sick.

He wanted to collapse to the floor and never have to feel this unquenchable, rushing guilt that pounded in his ears and rose in his throat and choked him. How could he have done this? Even to someone he had once despised, who had called him names and mocked him. How could he have so permanently marked him as a reminder of a fleeting moment of fury? Harry wished that he were the ones wearing the scars, not Malfoy. Never Malfoy, Death Eater or not.

But Malfoy didn't appear to notice his staring, and his next question caught Harry entirely off guard.

"Do you know what's it like to have people only care about you because of your name?"

Harry thought to himself, mostly as a distraction from his remorse. Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, the Chosen One, the Saviour. Yeah, he had no clue what _that_ was like. Though, he was surprised that Malfoy was asking, or even talking to him in the first place.

"Of course I do." He began tentatively, waiting for Malfoy's mood to shift to anger. "I probably understand better than anyone."

To his surprise, Malfoy just rolled his eyes. Irritation sparked in Harry, not overcoming the guilt but rising to the surface faster than he was proud of. He felt the need to explain himself, to make Malfoy understand what he was talking about, to not dismiss him as he always had done.

"When I first came to Hogwarts, everyone was... all over me, because of who I was. They only saw Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. I did something completely accidentally when I was only a few months old and it cost me my parents, and that's all anyone cared about." He said quietly. The volume of his voice was in contrast to his annoyance.

But Malfoy just shook his head, turning away again, his scars hidden from view.

"I knew you didn't understand."

"What?" Harry exclaimed, louder than he'd meant to be. "Malfoy, I understand. Did you not listen to me just now? If you're too wrapped up in yourself to notice-"

He broke off, remembering with a jolt of horror that Malfoy had a very strong, very valid and very disfiguring reason for being wrapped up in himself, because of Harry. He had just helplessly fallen back into his old habits of insulting the Slytherin and preparing to be insulted right back, and had momentarily forgotten their situation and setting. He wanted to curse himself for being such an irritable, blundering, insensitive prat, as Hermione always told him.

Malfoy narrowed his eyes.

"You don't understand. You don't." He sighed. "You weren't famous for your name; you were famous for what you'd done. Your name became known as a result of that. The name 'Potter' is not why people like you. You have hundreds of people who love you for you in this school. You have Weasel, Granger, Longbottom, Lovegood, more Weasels and Weaselettes and so many other close friends who love you."

As he paused, Harry held his breath.

"I don't have that. The people around me don't care about me because I'm a good friend or smart, or trustworthy. They only care about my money. My status in society. They don't care about what I'm like, or how I feel, or if I cry, or if I'm nearly murdered in bathrooms. They don't give me a damn about me because they certainly never loved me. You, you have friends and people who love you. They love you because you're noble and kind and loyal and brave and good. No one has ever said that about me. Though, I'm starting to think that's my own fault."

Harry stood still, staring at him. He was shocked into silence, utterly stunned by both the immense sadness in the words, and the fact that Malfoy would _willingly_ give him this information. Malfoy had complimented him, calling him good, and wondered why he hadn't mentioned the scars yet. Logically, he should be hexing Harry senseless, not pouring his heart out. Why would Malfoy even offer this information to him, knowing full well that Harry could use it to his own advantage?

Did Malfoy trust him?

Harry frowned, attempting to clear the confusion from his brain. "But what about all the Slytherins, who you're always with? Your friends?"

Malfoy laughed humourlessly. "I don't have friends. I have followers. Crabbe and Goyle are literally payed by my father to be my bodyguards, Pansy only wants to marry me so that she'll be rich later in life, Nott wants me to promote him to higher society and Zabini literally asks for money because he's weird like that. The closest I have to friendship is Millicent, who smiles at me occasionally. When I went to the common room last week, Crabbe and Goyle laughed at my scars, while Pansy was disgusted and had a go at me for being 'inconsiderate'."

Harry stood motionless again. His hands were still by his side, in contrast with the fluttering of Malfoy's fingers on the railing, perhaps from anxiety. Harry's heart felt dead in his chest. He was struck very suddenly and almost overwhelmingly by the notion to hug Malfoy, to comfort him and wonder to himself how he had missed that Malfoy's life was worse than he made it out to be.

Those utterly vile human beings. Those pathetic excuses for people. Laughing at someone's scars, or hating them because of them... _absolutely vile_. And Lucius Malfoy, that- that evil son of a... paying for his son to have bodyguards. And not even friends. That was just _cruel_. How in the world could Malfoy stand it?

Malfoy was watching him curiously, evidently bemused by the reaction to his words. He had clearly not been expecting such righteous fury.

"But, why are you with them then?" Harry choked out.

Malfoy shrugged, the scars on his face shining vividly as they caught the light. When he spoke next, his voice was borderline despairing, but as if it was trying to be casual.

"Because I have to. I'm a Malfoy and so it's what expected of me. I can't go around rebuffing 'good connections'." Malfoy's face was grim as he looked at Harry again.

"But that's mental! You could have made plenty of other friends in other houses." It didn't make sense. If Malfoy was so lonely, surely he could stoop to the other house's level and try and bloody well make some more. It was too late now of course, but the option had been there once. 

Malfoy only barked out a laugh bitterly, eyes narrowing slightly. "How could I? After you so kindly refused my friendship, of course."

Harry's eyes widened. He wanted to defend himself, because he knew he'd made the right decision then, but his guilt choked his words. Malfoy must have misinterpreted his expression because he laughed mirthlessly.

"When you have the Chosen One not wanting to be friends with you, and everyone on his side, you don't really have many options." He sounded matter-of-fact. "Besides, my father wouldn't want me seen with any of them anyway. He'd say it would ruin the Malfoy image if I was seen with Muggle-loving Blood Traitors."

Harry's breath left him in a rush. For a moment he could only stare at the other boy and will himself to calm down and not punch him. Yell at him, yes, but punch him, no. Anger boiled in his belly frighteningly fast. Of course, Malfoy was still the same prejudiced git he'd always been. Maybe he deserved to be disfigured, if he was still a racist ferret. All those sad, self-pitying words earlier... and to think Harry had actually sympathised.

"Malfoy." He growled. "Shut the _hell_ up. I can't believe I ever felt bad about-" His remorse vanished in a torrent of fury. How could he have felt guilty for someone who still used prejudiced slurs? It served him right.

Malfoy just stared at him as if he were the dimmest person he knew. He raised his hands in an aggressive manner, despite the gesture itself being defensive.

"Shut up." He said. "I said that's what _he'd_ say, you volatile dolt. And you calling me Malfoy is kind of ruining the point of this entire self-pity fest I'm having, so stop it." Malfoy's voice was far calmer than Harry's, but irritation had seeped into it, making it biting. It washed over Harry like a burst of ice water, cooling his temper instantly. Harry could have kicked himself for reacting so fast. He was not the one who should be angry.

But then again, Malfoy hadn't renounced his beliefs yet and was therefore still an enemy. Or a possible enemy.

So he decided to quit biting around the bush, and just go straight for it. "But, you did say all those things about muggles and blood status before. You still believe it." He almost wanted Malfoy to get angry, and hex him so that this weird, quieter Malfoy went away again. Malfoy deserved to attack Harry, and Harry deserved to take it.

But the other boy just set him with a level gaze.

"Do I? Or am I just parroting my father's words in a pathetic attempt to gain his affection and pride?"

Harry scoffed, despite himself, not even contemplating this possibility for a moment. "He loves you anyway, so why would you need to? I never had my parents, so you can't be all upset about having the ones you got. You should be grateful."

He was met with cold, disbelieving silence.

_Why the hell had he said that?_

A cold feeling wrapped itself in his stomach. The urge to be sick was stronger than ever.

Years of animosity apparently were harder to overcome than he had thought.

Malfoy actually stepped back at the words, as if shocked Harry had even thought it. Harry was shocked he'd thought it as well. This was not his place to bring up his sob story. And besides, who would be grateful to have Lucius Malfoy as a father, who buys his son bodyguards? Who would be grateful to know Lucius Malfoy, full stop?

"Wow, Potter. You think you're the only one who's known suffering? You think it's a competition like it always is with us, and that this is just one more thing you can beat me at?" Malfoy's voice took on a nastier edge, the familiar sneer spoiling his twisted features. "'Oh, woebegone, I lost my parents which means no one else is allowed to suffer because that would make me less _special_.'" He simpered, voice affected into a high-pitched whine. "Or is it just because I'm a Malfoy?"

Harry's hands curled into fists by his side. He would not hit Malfoy, he would not hit Malfoy... come on, Harry. "You prick. Perhaps I should punch you like Hermione did in third year."

This time Malfoy properly laughed, tipping his head back and shutting his eyes. His shoulders shook.

"Go ahead, I won't stop you." He chuckled, laughter fading again. "Perhaps you should even slice me open in a bathroom and permanently disfigure me and then never apologise instead. That rather sounds like something you'd do."

_**"Cruc-"** _

_**"Sectumsempra!"** _

The image of crimson spraying from a pale face and chest lurched back into Harry's mind's eye. The quiet sobs and desperate gasping breaths were loud in his ears. If he thought hard, he imagined he could feel Malfoy's hand, bound in a spasm, jerking in his own. Harry flinched. He tripped, in his shock, and fell to the floor with a heavy thud, wincing. But astonishingly, Malfoy didn't laugh. He smirked, but not truly. His face suddenly looked years older and far more tired than it had before.

"Wait, Malfoy... I didn't know." Harry stammered, realising that he had, in fact, never apologised. "I didn't know what the spell did, and I... I thought you wouldn't want me there. I'm so sorry. Really. It was wrong and I'm sorry about the scars because I never meant to do that to you. Merlin, I'm sorry-"

Malfoy cut him off with an impatient wave of the hand. He made no move to help Harry stand.

"Everyone probably congratulated you the next day, anyway."

Harry lurched to his feet. " _No._ They were horrified by what I'd done. They-"

"Whatever, Potter." Malfoy rolled his eyes, his gaze hardening. "I know that you just want to know why I was crying in that bathroom."

Harry didn't say anything because this was true, though that wasn't the only reason he had come here.

"My parents don't love me. They just want me to be a Death Eater, which I don't want, which is why I refused the Mark over summer. I was crying in the bathroom that day because they sent me a rather nasty letter about what a disappointment I am and threatened to disown me. They obviously hadn't heard that I'd already gone to Dumbledore for protection already."

Harry frowned, thrown. Draco had gone to Dumbledore already and he wasn't a Death Eater? Did this mean that they were on the same side? He wondered how scared Draco must have been to have thought that Dumbledore, a professor he hardly respected or believed in, was the safest option. Draco continued, cutting of Harry's confused thought process.

"My father has never said he's proud of me or that he loves me and he even occasionally, though not often, hits me when I'm not good enough. He locks me in the dungeons when I'm really bad, and my mother just drinks her tea and watches. They make me write lines for hours on end until my hand is cramping and I can't write anymore, about Pureblood superiority. My reading list? Books about the uselessness of muggles, and blood status, and how to run a household and how to handle finances. Once you're told something enough times, you start to believe it, especially if it's all you've been taught. I didn't choose my parents or their beliefs, and I hate them... and yet, there's still a part of me that wants them to love me."

Malfoy broke off, his eyes unusually misty and his face white in the wash of light. He turned away and grabbed the railings tightly.

Silence festered between them again.

Harry had no idea what to say, or do. He was... horrified. And distressed at the sheer sadness and familiarity of what Malfoy was saying. He didn't want to, but he understood.

"Mal- Draco..." he stuttered. Malfoy whipped around to glare at him.

"What?" He snapped. "Are you going to tell me again that you lost your parents and are therefore the sole inhabitant of Plight Palace, or are you going to shove it in my face that you have people who love you and I don't?"

Harry was shocked by the hostility in his tone. "Plight Palace? Why are you such a prat? No, I wouldn't do that. That would be wrong."

But the conversation had already taken a nastier tone, and Harry was helpless to stop it. It suddenly dawned on him that Draco's animosity was fuelled by his defensive nature. It was his defense mechanism, to lash out and distract others from himself. It wasn't a healthy reflex.

"Would it?" Malfoy snarled. "As wrong as slicing someone open in a bathroom while they're literally sobbing?"

"No! I- that was an accident! I didn't mean to! I didn't even know what the spell did-"

"And so you thought I'd be a good guinea pig?"

Harry was growing frustrated, and soon _his_ defence mechanism began to show its ugly head- retaliation. "No! I was just angry... and _you_ tried to _crucio_ me!"

Draco reared forwards."So it's _my_ fault that I was in unimaginable pain as I bled out in a bathroom, and that I was in a coma for a _month_ , one I only woke up from a week ago?" His grey eyes gleamed hard and silver in the darkness, the breeze whistling through his pale hair menacingly.

Harry made a choked sound without thinking. His voice cracked and dropped to a whisper.

_"A month?"_

Desperate tears prickled in his eyes, and to his horror, they were dangerously close to falling. He hadn't known it was possible to feel more guilty than he already had, even after threatening to punch the boy he'd almost murdered.

A whole month, gone.

Draco quirked his eyebrows, a sneer marring his already marred features. His face was derisive and all too familiar to Harry. "Hurt like hell. Though, no one ever visited me, not even Saint Potter who did it in the first place."

Harry swallowed hard, terrified that he would start crying. The guilt was heavy and thick inside him, rising palpably in his throat until he felt like he was going to be violently sick, _again_. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. If I'd known what it did, I would never have used it-" His voice broke. He awaited contemptuous laughter and ridicule, or an angry tirade asking why _Harry_ was crying-

\- but it never came.

"Stop floundering. You look ridiculous." was all Malfoy said, in a mild voice.

The tone absolutely threw Harry. One moment, Draco had been raging with fury and yelling, and then the next he was calm and even... _teasing_ Harry? Draco had said _he_ was volatile, but _really _. The suddenly still atmosphere settled around them, and Harry found he was desperate to keep it. Perhaps they would be able to have a conversation without yelling... or without waking up half the school.__

__Draco didn't seem to be waiting for Harry to respond, luckily, and went on._ _

__"I probably deserved it anyway. I was awful up to that point. I think it was then that I realised all this, actually. That no one wanted me, and that it might just be my fault." Draco's voice had dropped so that it was carefully neutral, though entirely sincere. In fact, he sounded matter of fact, not at all like the angry Draco of a minute ago._ _

__But just because Harry wanted to keep the peace didn't mean that he agreed with Draco._ _

__"You _didn't_ deserve what I did." Harry insisted into the quiet. "And why was it your fault? I mean, you _were_ awful, but that was because of your father."_ _

__Draco snorted and raised an eyebrow, turning to face him once more. "Oh, you believe me now?"_ _

__Harry flushed. "Just answer the question."_ _

__"Fine, you dolt. It was my fault because I'd never done anything to that point to make them love me." He confessed quietly. He now sounded heart-breakingly ashamed, and Harry's heart twisted. "I was selfish, rude, arrogant, cowardly... and all because I'd never known otherwise. I was just a stupid little kid who thought that becoming just like their father would make him love him back. That was all I wanted."_ _

__"You wanted love?" Harry asked softly. He thought of his eleven years growing up without Hogwarts, without anything really, without affection, care or anything to really call his own. He thought of the broom cupboard where he cried himself to sleep, imagining his parents and how much they would love him if they were here. He understood that want, need, to be loved._ _

__"Yeah." Draco continued. "And if you tell anyone that I want to be loved like a Hufflepuff, I will castrate you."_ _

__"Um, please don't..."_ _

__Draco ignored him, his features softening. Harry found that he quite liked that gentleness on Draco's face, so he quietened and listened. When Draco next spoke, the words were barely above a whisper and his tone was so, so yearning. Harry felt himself to be moved. The tears from before sprung forth._ _

__"I want love because I don't understand it. I don't understand how it works or how you know it or what it feels like. I want to understand it and...Potter, are you _crying?_ "_ _

__Harry realised that there was in fact a tear trickling down his cheeks and that he was standing frozen, gaping at Draco, who looked bemused. Why the hell was he crying? Just because Malfoy didn't know what love was? After sixteen years..._ _

__"Oh Merlin." Harry murmured in answer. He rapidly swiped the tear away and coughed gruffly to reassert his masculinity. Not that men didn't cry. "You've actually made me feel sorry for you."_ _

__"Glad the Chosen One was able to stoop to my level to _pity_ me." Draco said._ _

__"And then you ruin it." Harry rolled his eyes._ _

__And then he smiled. And Draco smiled too._ _

__They fell quiet once more, but it wasn't quite so awkward this time, and it was almost, Merlin forbid, _comfortable_. Slowly, Harry walked over to Draco at the railing and stood beside him, resting his own cold fingers on the metal. He saw Draco quirk a half-smile out of the corner of his eye, and wondered why he didn't do that more often; it was a nice smile. It was completely unlike anything Harry had ever seen on his face. In fact, Draco was being so completely unlike the Malfoy he loathed around the school, who called Hermione a mudblood, and the Weasleys broke blood traitors, and flaunted his wealth and cried in bathrooms. Perhaps that was all an act, perhaps it wasn't. Perhaps Harry was simply making excuses for the fact that he was enjoying Draco's company suddenly, and wanted to stay here, arguing and sharing._ _

__Draco looked blessedly peaceful in the lighting. The horror of his scars was gone in the tranquillity. He looked, for want of a better word, quite beautiful. The moon accentuated his pale features remarkably, and cast a strange glow over him, rather like that of an angel. Although Harry knew better than anyone that Draco was far from angelic. The thought made him smile again, unintentionally._ _

__He replayed Draco's previous words in his head again, trying to reconcile that Draco with the Malfoy he knew. Maybe if he understood Draco's motivations and influences, he would understand why Draco was as horrible as he was in company. Then again, maybe Harry already understood Draco's experiences more than he'd thought..._ _

__"Wait... what did you say earlier, about being locked in a dungeon?" He asked, aware he was probably overstepping their boundaries but intrigued to find out if Draco had been in a similar situation to him. Draco glanced at him out of the corner of his eye._ _

__"Thought you'd selectively misheard that one, actually.Turns out you're just stupid." He mused. "I _said_ that my father locked me in a cramped, cold dungeon with no communication or anything for hours on end until I'd learnt my lesson. He wasn't quite so cruel as to hit me in that time or leave me for a full day, but he wouldn't be rushing to let me out either."_ _

__Harry was struck with empathy, and turned to face Malfoy fully._ _

__"Before I came to Hogwarts, my muggle aunt and uncle made me sleep and basically live in a tiny cupboard until I was eleven, with nothing, just like you."_ _

__And just like that, Harry killed the tenuous peace between them._ _

__He realised once he'd said it that Malfoy might not appreciate the comparison so much, and Harry was drawn back to his previous comment on how Harry always had to win. Sure enough, Draco drew back. His expression was irritated and resigned._ _

__"And we're back to the whole competition. Fine, Potter, you win. And to think I thought you'd actually understand..." he shook his head, turning away and walking towards the stairs. Harry, despite himself, felt both annoyed and desperate. He grabbed Draco's arm to keep him from leaving._ _

__"Wait, don't go. Please." he said. He didn't want to wallow in his guilt any longer, or have to go back to a place where this strange understanding didn't exist._ _

__Draco yanked his arm away, but made no further move towards the exit "Why shouldn't I?" He challenged. "You hate me and don't give a damn about what I've been through."_ _

__Harry felt his irritation growing."Perhaps it would be easier not to if you weren't such a blood purist prat all the time."_ _

__Draco feigned checking his non-existent watch. "And gosh is that the time, must be off-"_ _

__"Wait! I didn't mean to say that. I'm so used to just insulting you that I forget everything else. I don't hate you. Not anymore. Not after what I did to you." Harry shuddered involuntarily, not missing the way Draco's eyes narrowed to slits._ _

__"So this is only about your guilty conscience?" the Slytherin countered, and Harry's frustration progressed into a state of confusion._ _

__"No! Stop being a prat!...And stop interrupting me with stupid questions."_ _

__"My foot is on the stairs-"_ _

__"Stop! Please. I'm sorry. I'll stop being a prat as well. Just... come back."_ _

__Draco paused where he was, actually, on the first stair. He watched Harry intently for a moment, suspicion vivid in his eyes. Harry did his best to make himself as innocent looking as possible, though he'd been told that he already did. The astronomy tower suddenly felt exceptionally cold whilst he was under such scrutiny, the silence of the castle washing over him._ _

__"Why?" Draco finally asked quietly._ _

__Harry didn't really have a proper answer. "Because I like talking to you." He simply said. Draco frowned in puzzlement._ _

__"Why? You've literally barely listened to a word I said and insulted me for the things you have chosen to understand." Harry was forced to admit that this was quite probably true._ _

__"Because you don't treat me like the Saviour. Like a holy person."_ _

__"So this is about you then?" Draco asked, making Harry want to swear. He growled and prayed for patience._ _

__"Why are you asking so many questions? Don't be so sensitive!" He admonished. "No, I rather like that you don't do that, that you insult me. It's exciting." And it was._ _

__"Potter, I just told you about my awful parents and my pathetic life and the fact that I don't bloody well understand love because I'm profound like that, and you think this is exciting? Are all Gryffindors like this?" Draco cast his gaze to the skies as if that held the answer._ _

__"Are all Slytherins so self-pitying?" Harry retorted, tone sharp._ _

__Draco stepped back, eyes widening, looking affronted. "Wow." He murmured. "That was... that actually hurt." And, what was worse, he actually did sound hurt, and not as if he were feigning it for attention or guilt._ _

__Harry rushed to correct his mistake. "I didn't mean that again! Sorry. Merlin, I'm so stupid..."_ _

__Draco nodded. "Yes, you are. Continue grovelling."_ _

__There was silence for a moment, as Draco looked back out across the castle, Harry still stood behind him. It was only until a few minutes later, when he realised that it was, in fact, not silent. He raised a perfect, aristocratic eyebrow and swung around._ _

__"Potter, are you laughing?"_ _

__Harry gave in to his laughter, doubling over and laughing even harder at Draco's bemused expression."It's you." He gasped. "You and your uptight voice. It's actually quite funny when it's not being mean." His laughter faded to good-natured chuckles._ _

__"Glad I was of service." Draco quipped sharply. Harry frowned at him._ _

__"Don't be like that. I'm laughing _with_ you for once. Even if you're not laughing." Draco grinned, as if he were trying to hide it. "See, you are smiling."_ _

__A thought struck him. "You know, this is the first time we've had a civil conversation." He mused. Draco nodded agreeably before speaking._ _

__"Let's commemorate it by never doing it again."_ _

__Harry suddenly burst out laughing again, feeling slightly as if he had drunk too much Firewhisky and was now slightly drunk, with giddiness and guilt, but he found that he couldn't stop giggling. He clamped a hand over his mouth to stop the noises, but it was obvious that it wasn't working, especially when Draco screwed up his face in confusion, and possible despair._ _

__"Why are you laughing now?"_ _

__Harry grinned. "I don't know anymore."_ _

__They lapsed into a comfortable quiet again, a hushed calmness settling over them. An idea occurred to Harry. "Um... do you wanna come up here again tomorrow night... with me? And we can 'not talk', if that's what you want."_ _

__Surprisingly, Draco leered at him."Why, you wanna do something else instead?"_ _

__Harry started. _"What?"__ _

__Draco rolled his eyes, a familiar smirk raising one side of his mouth, the side not twisted by scarring. "Relax, o'pure and innocent one, I merely meant kissing." He placated him._ _

__"Oh, good..." he began. Then it hit him. "Wait no! Not good! Very not good! Why would you want to kiss me?" He all but shrieked. He had never kissed a guy, ever. Hell, he'd barely kissed a girl._ _

__And why the hell would Draco want to kiss him? Hadn't he just been angry that Harry had almost murdered him?_ _

__Harry was so confused that his head hurt._ _

__Draco smirked. "I'm ever so glad you didn't say 'why would _I_ want to kiss _you?_ '. And anyway, not everyone can say they've made out with Harry Potter. Only Cho Chang if I recall. Unless the Weaselette finally plucked up the courage to as well."_ _

__Harry raised both his eyebrows. "You're very forward, aren't you? You act as if I'm going to kiss you." Which he was seriously debating. "And how the hell do you know about Cho?"_ _

__"Oh, everyone knows." Draco said. Harry's heart paused for a moment before continuing its panicked beating. "She was blubbering about how bad it was for days, right in the Great Hall."_ _

__Oh, Merlin save him, or let him sink into the floor or never have to face anyone ever again. The Dark Lord could do what the hell he wanted, because Harry was done. "Really?" He whimpered, eyes squeezed shut._ _

__"No, you moron. I only heard rumours."_ _

__Harry let out a breath of complete and unadulterated relief. Dark Lord vanquishing was now back on the agenda thanks to this blessed information. "Thank Merlin."_ _

__"So do you wanna kiss me now, or..."_ _

__Harry opened his eyes to see that Draco had moved forwards, right there in Harry's personal space bubble, which had betrayed him and let Draco in without his permission. Draco was smirking, but his eyes showed his true disposition. He was nervous. He really wanted to kiss Harry._ _

__"Wh- why?" Harry stuttered, breath leaving him at the sheer beauty before him. His heart was now beating double time in his chest. He hadn't felt this way around Cho or Ginny, or anyone ever._ _

__Draco's smirk morphed into a gentle smile unlike anything Harry had ever seen. "Because you owe me for slicing me into ribbons. And because I want you to. You're the only person who's actually listened to me about all the sad stuff I've ever suffered, so I think I should repay you with some good quality kissing." He explained, a smug glint in his eye._ _

__Harry was still hideously confused. He suspected he was stood there with a gormless expression, mouth open and eyes wide, which was not attractive._ _

__But why in the hell would Draco want to kiss him? And why in the hell did he want to kiss him back?_ _

__"How did we even get here?" He asked, mostly to distract himself from those pretty pink, full lips. "We started out with you about to cry and wanting to hex me, and now you want to kiss me? And besides, what if I'm not gay?" Harry raised an eyebrow in challenge but was sorely disappointed when Draco laughed._ _

__"Oh, you are. Trust me." Draco stepped even closer, until their faces were inches apart. Harry could feel Draco's cold breath on his face, tickling his hair._ _

__"Wh- how?" He asked stupidly._ _

__"Intelligent, aren't you? Do you normally look like a fish or is that just when you're trying to form a sentence?" Draco quipped, laughing blatantly at him._ _

__"Shut up. Stop laughing." Harry was fully convinced that his cheeks were an incredible red, and that he was panting slightly._ _

__"Make me."_ _

__"No. I won't 'make you'."_ _

__"Come on. It'll be fun."_ _

__"No it won't. It very won't."_ _

__"It will."_ _

__"It won't."_ _

__"Are you just scared that I'm a better kisser than you?"_ _

__"No!"_ _

__"Why not prove it then?"_ _

__"Maybe I will."_ _

__"Too late, you've already proved it with your refusal. Maybe I don't want to kiss you anymore."_ _

__"Wait, no. I will kiss you. I will kiss the living daylights out of you!"_ _

__"Fine-"_ _

__Draco was rather abruptly cut off as Harry crashed his lips onto the other boy's, fiercely and possessively, eyes closing of their own accord. Both of his hands rose and aggressively buried themselves in Draco's pale hair, the strands soft and taut as Harry clenched his fingers. Draco responded immediately, arms gripping around Harry's waist and pulling him closer.They twisted around each other, each trying to get closer and closer to the other. Draco's sharp jawline was hard and masculine, something Harry revelled in, and his lips were full and gorgeous and _responsive_. He didn't care about the scars on the pale face because this was everything he'd ever wanted, everything he'd never felt before, everything he wanted to feel for the rest of his life._ _

__Draco pulled away minutes later just when Harry thought he would have to, because he really didn't want to test how long he could survive without oxygen. Not that he cared in the moment. Draco was breathing hard, lips swollen and red, his hair still twisted in Harry's grip. The rest fell loosely around his angular face, giving him a far younger appearance than normal._ _

__"Damn." He gasped, words barely comprehensible. "You actually kissed the living daylights out of me. Never go half way, do you?"_ _

__Harry smirked at him, breathing just as hard."You asked for it."_ _

__"You're right, I did." Draco's smirk was as Slytherin as Harry's was._ _

__Then, Harry was suddenly gripped by anxiety as he realised the position they were in. Draco's hands entwined around his waist, his own having fallen down to rest on Draco's flushed face._ _

__"Thank God you're you, otherwise this would be really awkward. Did you... did you like it?"_ _

__Draco licked his lips, and Harry was enraptured by the movement. "Hmm. Let me think. I think that... I did. I think I did like it. Prat. Did you?"_ _

__Harry pulled his focus to Draco's silver eyes, gleaming in the moonlight. "Yeah. I liked it a lot more than I thought I would, actually. Do you... want do it again?"_ _

__Draco grinned, leaning forwards so that he was speaking onto Harry's mouth._ _

__"Go on then, Saviour." He whispered._ _

__"Knew you liked it." Harry smirked, for once not caring about the hated nickname._ _

__"Stop smiling. This is a deep moment." Draco murmured. Harry pulled back, and Draco whined in disappointment._ _

__"Is that so?" Harry felt himself smiling. "And how come we're kissing and I am starting to insanely like you, when we usually just insult and hex each other?" It was a good question, but he didn't really care about the answer when Draco looked the way he did._ _

__"Because you understand me now."_ _

__"I might like you, Draco." He admitted, not ashamed of the words. If Ron and Hermione could see him now..._ _

__"I... Merlin, if my father could hear me now. " Draco muttered, unconsciously echoing Harry's own thoughts. "Actually, I don't care what he thinks. I like you too. That's why I told you all that stuff, because I've liked you for years."_ _

__Harry smiled. "Huh. Maybe then, one day, I can teach you to understand love."_ _

__"My, who's forward now?" Draco's eyes widened in mock surprise._ _

__"Me. I'm a brave Gryffindor, remember?" Harry laughed when Draco rolled his eyes._ _

__"Oh, shut up and kiss me again."_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and please leave kudos and comment if you enjoyed! :)


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